I Surrender

Last October, just hours before I caught a flight to VA to sit by my precious Uncle's side in what would be my last moments with him, I downloaded this song by Kim Walker "I Surrender" to my iPod.  I can't count how many times I played it over and over, that week, as I plugged my ear buds into my ears, whether I was sitting by his side or in the waiting room.  I'd put it on "replay" and fall asleep to it, at 3 a.m. in a hotel in the middle of Charlottesville.  I love this video on YouTube, as it focuses on the Worshipper--doing just that--SURRENDERING-everything-every.part.of.himself....all.to.God. 

Whenever I felt as though I was on that "cliff" of an anxiety attack October 4-8, I quickly fumbled through my belongings, to plug this song into my heart and brain.....
What do YOU need to SURRENDER?  If there's a way I can pray for you, this week, please drop me a line.  If you're not a "real life friend" and do not have my email address, leave me yours in the comment area and I'll email you directly. 

Blessings friends!

Memorize with Me?

Psalm 139:23-24

 

23 Search me, God, and know my heart;
   test me and know my anxious thoughts. 24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
   and lead me in the way everlasting.

 

 

I'm going to focus on this passage for the next week.  If you're one who struggles with anxiety and panic issues, would you join me, in memorizing it?  What is "offensive?"  For me, it's the inability to just leave all that I surrender, at the Foot of the Cross--at Jesus' Feet.  I surrender it.  I say "I'm trusting you God, I don't want to feel anxious...." and yet, before I know it, I feel the level of stress escalating, my blood pressure rising, my hands trembling, my breathing shallow.....and I find myself saying "Don't be anxious about anything Jess.....don't be anxious...." and then, it's the beginning of the cycle again. 

I have NOT abandoned ship!

It has been a busy 4 weeks or so and man.oh.MAN.oh.MAN has my faith been stretched.tested.tried.  I have felt anxiety attacks, waves of panic crashing in over my head, like I haven't experienced in 2+ years.  BUT, God--my Savior, my REDEEMER, my Heavenly Father who is FULL OF GRACE, has held me.Oh.So.Tight right up against His chest and as I have settled in, to be nestled in the sweetness of His embrace, I have begun to "breathe in, breathe out" to the rhythm of His heartbeat. 

I will share more later--but during my "time away," God continued to mature me, develop me, prune me.....I'm not quite finished processing things-but found it interesting, a little saddening and well--I dunno-I'm still processing--that my WEEPING WILLOW TREE--my "focus" in my journey with Anxiety and Panic--was gone.  Chopped down.  But, interestingly enough-my eyes fell on several other willow trees on the same piece of property, that I had never noticed before....stay tuned for "thoughts on that...."

And GRACE....let's talk about GRACE soon.  :)  <3 to all my friends who are on this journey with me!